Misunderstand your news

I don't know how many of you folks have ever heard of this, but there is a newspaper called the Onion. Now, it's not like your average printed media, it takes the news to the extreme. It's really a joke newspaper. Headlines reading, "Pope Returns To Vatican With Comprehensive Plan to Blow Up United States" and "Man disappears in Mysterious Kansas Rectangle" give a really good look at how they do news. Most of the articles are either really twisted outlooks at real events or made up entirely. Even small stuff such as the horoscopes are amusing, with sayings like, They may think they have you beat, but soon the tables will turn, sending the Scrabble board and all it's wooden tiles onto the floor; this coming week will be influenced by forces outside your control, namely, gravity, linear momentum, and high velocity traction; and the strange men in lab coats, aggravated by your resistance, will turn the dial to 60. They will then repeat their question for the last time. They even have wicked stuff you can buy:
I need this shirt

Check it out at www.theonion.com